Review: "Vampire Romance" by Kim Newman

Grade: B+

Like many men who have a significant other that enjoys the Twilight franchise, I have been subjected to what counts as "vampire romance" in this day of age.  Despite the RiffTrax commentary that I plug into, I have been unable to escape the sheer banality of it.  So you can guess how happy I was when I found out that Kim Newman decided to take a stake to the recent trends in vampire fiction.  What he gave us is an amusing mystery with some social commentary.

Published in the new, Titan Books printing of The Bloody Red Baron, "Vampire Romance" is set in 1923.  The Central Power have been defeated and Dracula has been exiled to an island where the sun never sets.  This has left a power vacuum in the vampire community.  Elders gather at Mildew Manor to pick the next "King of the Cats", but the Diogenes club would rather the position remain empty.  They have tasked their agent Edwin Winthrop to recruit Geneviève Dieudonné and have her pose as a claimant to observe the proceedings and what influence the costumed criminal "Crook" has on the next vampire king.  If his choice gets elected it could make his criminal organization (and nascent political movement that has similarities with the anti-vampire Nazis in Germany) a threat to the Empire.  Of course all this backroom dealings means nothing to the resident vampire-loving, teenage girl who is convinced that one of the vampires present is her soul mate from a past life.  Add an unexpected murder, a Japanese schoolgirl vampire and an ancient dictator and you got yourself a novella.

The story was very funny and I enjoyed Newman's response to the hunky vampires of the 21st century.  To me Newman's vampires are more realistic then what you usually find in fiction.  Despite their immortality and powers, they are still human.  They can be petty, stupid and vicious...but also loyal, intelligent and reasonable.  The twist at the end when the killer is revealed is also a nice touch, but the entire story probably should have been published outside of The Bloody Red Baron.  After reading about an elder American vampire turning into mist so he could enter a German tank and slaughter its crew only to be incinerated by a giant flame thrower, the more humorous (even if dark) "Vampire Romance" did not mesh with the horror present in the novel that preceded it.  The beginning chapter where Geneviève gets a haircut probably could have been shorter, even if it did set the scene.

Despite some small issues, "Vampire Romances" was a delightful commentary on how horror is presented to the masses and if you do get a copy of the Titan Books printing of The Bloody Red Baron then I recommend that you keep reading into 1923.

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Matt Mitrovich is the founder and editor of Alternate History Weekly Update, a volunteer editor for Alt Hist and a contributor to Just Below the Law. His fiction can be found at Echelon Press, Jake's Monthly and his own writing blog. When not writing he works as an attorney and enjoys life with his beautiful wife Alana.

Review: Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

Grade: A-

What was brilliant about The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks was how serious he took the subject of preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.  He did not stop every other page to remind us that "zombies are not real", he left that to the CDC.  Instead he gave honest advice on how to deal with attacks by the undead.  This tongue-in-cheek humor turned the Guide into a hit, launched another novel, a comic book, collectibles and a movie deal.

In the summer of 2012, one film embodies the entertainment value of the Guide.  In Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, we begin by seeing the future American president, Abraham Lincoln, as a small boy.  After witnessing the murder of his mother by Jack Barts, young Abe vows revenge but his father makes him promise not to retaliate.  Eight year later, after his father dies, Abe decides to carry out his long-awaited revenge but is uprepared when he learns the truth about Barts: he is a vampire.  At the last second Abe is saved by an experienced vampire hunter, Henry Sturgess.

He explains that vampires have been infiltrating America since the beginning under the leadership of Adam, the father of all vampires in America.  Using the institution of slavery, vampires have managed to finally sate their blood lust by feeding off the slaves brought to work in the South.  The vampires, however, are starting to expand north and Sturgess needs disciples to fight them.  Abe pleads with Sturgess to train him how to fight, but only after Sturgess makes him promise to fight vampires on his terms and not carry out his own revenge schemes.  

After his training is complete, Lincoln moves to Springfield, IL where he gets a job working as a shopkeeper while studying the law.  This boring life is only a cover for his true mission: to eradicate the vampire presence in the town.  Lincoln comes to the realization, however, that it is not enough to behead one or two vampires.  As long as slavery exists in America, the vampire infestation will never disappear, so Lincoln breaks with his mentor to seek a career in politics.  He reaches for the White House to eradicate vampires once and for all...even if it means splitting the nation apart into a civil war.

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter was a delightful film blending the best of a summer action flick with a unique horror element.  The best part, however, were the laughs.  People who know their 19th century American history will find plenty to chuckle about, even if the rest of the audience misses the joke completely.  I lost count how many times I burst out laughing to a virtually silent theater, though I was not embarrassed because their were a couple of voices joined with mine to express their mirth.  Nevertheless, knowledge of history can hurt your ability to enjoy film at times.  For example, the film seems to imply that Lincoln had only one child.  Facts like that are annoying to those who know Lincoln, but are likely missed by the general audience.

Though I have not read the novel by Seth Grahame-Smith that the film is based on, I have read his first mash-up novel, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  Smith, who also wrote the screenplay of the film, managed to duplicate his tongue-in-cheek humor that so identifies his style of writing and translate it into a different medium.  The film stayed serious at all times.  I can see why Jeff Greenfield is worried that kids will grow up thinking one of the greatest American presidents spent his time in office fighting vampires.

Sadly the film has been poorly reviewed by critics (Ebert did give it a good review) and has had disappointing box office numbers.  Despite high audience ratings, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter will likely be remembered as a flop.  Nevertheless, people who can embrace the absurd will find an enjoyable summer blockbuster and watch as the Great Emancipator is turned into the Dark Knight.  More importantly, you will regain your faith in vampire films after this.

GO ABE GO!

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Matt Mitrovich is the founder and editor of Alternate History Weekly Update, a volunteer editor for Alt Hist and a contributor to Just Below the Law. His fiction can be found at Echelon Press, Jake's Monthly and his own writing blog. When not writing he works as an attorney and enjoys life with his beautiful wife Alana.

Elsewhen Press signs Canadian satirist for comedy science fiction novel

DARTFORD, KENT – 20 JUNE 2012 – Elsewhen Press, a small independent publisher specialising in Speculative Fiction, today announced that Canadian satirist and author Ira Nayman, has signed a publishing deal for an undisclosed sum for a humorous science fiction novel, a spin-off from his popular Alternate Reality News Service (Alternate Reality Ain’t What It Used To Be, What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children’s Toys and Luna for the Lunies!).  The novel, Welcome to the Multiverse (Sorry for the Inconvenience), follows the first case for Noomi Rapier, rookie investigator with The Transdimensional Authority – the organisation that regulates travel between dimensions.  When a dead body is found slumped over a modified transdimensional machine, Noomi and her more experienced partner, Crash Chumley, must find the dead man’s accomplices and discover what they were doing with the technology.  Their investigation leads them to a variety of realities where Noomi comes face-to-face with four very different incarnations of herself, forcing her to consider how the choices she makes and the circumstances into which she is born determine who she is.

Al Murray, Managing Publisher of Elsewhen Press said “Ira’s new novel is both an hilarious romp through multiple dimensions in a variety of alternate realities, and a gentle satire on fate, ambition and expectation.  This is an exciting departure for Elsewhen Press; our first novel-length science fiction comedy. Welcome to the Multiverse (Sorry for the Inconvenience) will appeal to comedy fans who have been bereft of much good science-fiction fare these last eleven years.  Ira’s style is at times surreal, even off-the-wall, with the humour flying at you from unexpected angles; he describes it as fractal humour.  Anyone who has read his Alternate Reality News Service stories will know how funny Ira is.  The characters we meet from around the multiverse deserve to become firm favourites with all fans of science fiction comedy.”

Elsewhen Press adopts a digital-first policy, initially publishing new titles in ebook format and subsequently in print editions.  Welcome to the Multiverse (Sorry for the Inconvenience) by Ira Nayman will be published in a digital edition this autumn and in print early next year.

About Ira Nayman

In his past lives, Ira Nayman was, among other things: a cave painter whose art was not appreciated in his lifetime; several nameless peasants who died before their 20th birthday during the Dark Ages; a toenail fungus specialist in the court of Louis XIV; and Alan Turing’s scullery maid.

In his current incarnation, Ira is the creator of Les Pages aux Folles, a Web site of political and social satire that will be 10 years old in the first week of September, 2012 (that’s positively Paleolithic in Internet years!). Three collections of Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) stories which originally appeared on the Web site have been self-published in print. Two new volumes of ARNS stories – The Street Finds Its Own Uses for Market Lateralization and The Alternate Reality News Service’s Guide To Sex, Love and Robots will be published in 2013. Probably. Hopefully. 2014 at the latest. Ira has produced the pilot for a radio series based on stories from the first two ARNS books; “The Weight of Information, Episode One” can be heard on YouTube.

Ira has also written a series of stories that take place in a universe where matter at all levels of organization has become conscious, featuring Antonio Van der Whall, object psychologist, four of which have appeared in print.

Ira’s Web Goddess tells him he should make more of the fact that he won the 2010 Jonathan Swift Satire Writing Contest. So, Ira won the 2010 Jonathan Swift Satire Writing Contest.

In another life (but still within this incarnation) Ira has a Masters degree in Media Studies from The New School for Social Research which was conducted entirely online. He also has a PhD in Communications from McGill University. Ira taught New Media part-time at Ryerson University for five years.

Whoever created the Karmic wheel has a lot to answer for...